Exploitation Nation

Canvas Of Blood (199?)** -Wow this thing isn’t even on the IMDB! This second feature on the Dark Angel: Psycho Kickboxer DVD is pretty rote by normal movie standards. But looked at on the ultra no budget level kind of movie standard, there is something kind of charming about it. Sure its boneheaded, paced badly and the action scenes are of the non-action variety, but the fact that it takes the entire first half to set up characters has something to be said for it. For some viewers that something would be BORING! But I found it kind of enjoyable and interesting. The story involves a Vietnam veteran who lost his hand back in Nam who is raising his teenage daughter alone. She is a violin virtuoso and looks to take the music world by storm, if her lunkhead boyfriend doesn’t force her into making the beast with two backs first. But when she has to have emergency surgery and the drunk as fuck surgeon ends up pretty much taking off her entire hand, tragedy ensues. Add to that that her dickhead boyfriend takes this as his cue to finally snatch up her unwilling vagina as his touchdown victory (thankfully this violation is off screen). Then the fucker kills her dog too! This set up is the first forty-five minutes of the movie, so when pops finally has enough and his daughter has gone catatonic, the law has proven useless (their long haired lawyer AND the judge were on the take) he straps on a few murderous gadgets on his stump, then its killing time! There’s no gore, the action would make The Guy From Harlem wince, and there is only one scene of nudity and you’ll be beggin those bitches to put their clothes back on. There’s no good reason for me to like this movie. The actors are either on valum or seem like they are from a car sales commercial, the direction is non existent. But I liked it all the same. I think I have brain damage.

Deathrow Gameshow (1987) ** - Director Mark Pirro became a hero to low budget filmmakers in the 80’s when his first feature film, A Polish Vampire In Burbank not only got a substantial VHS release but was sold to cable TV and became a favorite on the USA network show USA UP! All Night. His follow up film, also shot on super 8, Curse of the Queerwolf didn’t fair as well but was polished enough to get the attention of Crown International films who hired him to do this comedy on 35mm which actually got an extremely limited theatrical release. In a lot of ways this movie was ahead of its time, predating the wave of reality TV and the vicious attitudes that are pretty much commonplace nowadays. The plot is about a TV show called Live Or Die in which convicts from Death Row are given a chance to win freedom or be executed live on the air through silly little games. The host is universally hated for his participation in the show, yet all of America tunes in daily to watch the people die. Though pretty morbid in concept, this is played for broad comedy and is only marginally successful. Director Piro would have been better off to have either went full on Airplane! style slapstick, or completely black comedy style. Instead he falls somewhere in between and only generates a few laughs here and there. It doesn’t help matters that he doesn’t really have much of a visual style, so the look of the film is not terribly interesting. There’s a decent gag involving hooking a crime lord’s dick up to electrodes and forcing him to watch a woman dance, so if he gets aroused he will be electrocuted, that has unexpected results. That’s probably the most memorable moment next to a patently absurd dream sequence that uses the format of a theatrical trailer. I will say that the actress that is the female lead named Robyn Blyth has a set of fantastic breasts, though only let loose all too briefly. This is the second feature on DVD with The Kidnapping of the President starring William Shatner (which is about the weirdest double feature pairing I can possibly think of) from BCI but NOT present as part of their Exploitation Cinema Series.

2008-09-22

23:55:11

Savage Streets (1984) ***1/2 - This Linda Blair starring vehicle has been called morally despicable by even the most hardened genre critics. And there is no denying it is rough stuff and sleazy as they possibly come. But that is why it is so good. This is the kind of movie that is simply not made any more; a well made, balls out sleaze/revenge thriller that takes it self completely seriously. But at the same time knows exactly what the audiences came for, blood, boobs and ultraviolence, all of which it delivers. Blair plays the top heavy, no bra wearing, leader of a gang of tough chicks whose only soft spot is her deaf mute sister (extremely well played by Linnea Quiggly in probably her best performance). When they run afoul of four of the most disgusting street toughs of all of the 80’s cinema, the girls pull a little prank to get even. To get back at the girls these scumbags gang rape the deaf mute sister, almost killing her in the process and things just escalate from there. But why make it just a rape revenge movie when you can have the villains throw a pregnant girl off a bridge too? It’s that kind of movie. In between this kind of thing is several catfights with lots of topless top heavy babes, shower scenes, and Linda Blair letting loose her cannons. The stalk and shoot ‘em with arrows climax is pretty tense too. Director Danny Steinman is actually one of the more unsung directors of the 80’s grindhouse scene with this being a near classic, his mongoloid horror The Unseen being terrific, and his Friday the 13th: The New Beginning being pretty underrated too. His direction is slick and economical, never wasting a moment. This new DVD from BCI is a terrific 2 disc affair with 3(!) commentaries and a 2nd disc full of interviews and trailers. My only complaint is the new artwork that pretty much apes the movie Grindhouse, (though this is truly a real Grindhouse movie!) when the original artwork was classic (its on the inlay card). Hell, even the 80’s synth rock music is pretty good!

Blood & Sex Nightmare (2006) ** - Shot on DV sleaze/horror that tries very hard to please, ultimately delivers exactly what the title promises. It is silly, bloody and fully of nudity. The story is about a young couple who go to a retreat for “adults only” aka a swingers retreat, even though the girl refuses to get busy with the dude. At this camp grounds for sexual craziness some ghost is killing off the naughty campers in semi gory ways leading our heroine to start having nightmare and a psychic link to the killer. Lots of chicks get more naked than your used to for this kind of flick (an abundance of shaved beaver shots and beyond abound) and genre stalwart Tina Krause gets completely nude and is on the receiving end of a particularly nasty vagina mutilation. A goofy old groundskeeper clearly based on the Crazy Ralph character from Friday the 13th makes a very hot naked girl in pigtails do jumping jacks and tells our lead couple that “if you want a threesome to come to me, I have a ten inch dick, for real!“. Lily St. Clair is the pre-credits victim and she has the nicest breasts with the most incredible poke your eye out nipples I have seen in many a moon. The movie takes a few interesting turns such as having the ghost speak Japanese, and basing the religious beliefs used to fight it in Shinto as opposed to the standard old Christianity. But then again it roles out the standard old bugaboos like teen victims too. One scene has an incest thing going on with a laugh track clearly ripping off (oh, sorry homage) Natural Born Killers which doesn’t work at all. In the liner notes the kid who directed this says that “this and movies of its ilk are no longer his cup of tea!” whatever that means! Then I’ll be glad to take the residual checks in that case! Blood And Sex Nightmare is better than a lot no budget shot on video backyard pieces of crap that try top tap the sleaze horror market (Amatuer Porn Star Killer anyone? Anyone?) But it still is only fair at best.

Alphabet City (1984) *1/2 - You want to see an 80’s movie in excess? This is it. A movie that cries out for a realistic interpretation that gets smothered in the mid 80’s neon glow, horrid soundtrack and extreme miscasting thus blowing what potential is there. It starts off momentarily okay when we meet our main character an early twenties drug runner played by walking cardboard Vincent Spano. The first scene introduces the “normal” side of his life. His normal artist girlfriend (who we see repairing a motorcycle -cue to mean that will play into the climax at some point) and their baby. There is a sweet moment when he is doing pull ups with the baby strapped to his body so he can be close to her. A nice touch. Then it cuts to a terrible synth score (by Niles Rogers- This score is probably why Duran Duran stopped using him as a producer!) and the obligatory montage of our hero getting ready for his night on the town, with mesh shirt, studded wristbands, leather jacket, he looks like the leather boy from The Village People. When he gets out on the street and meets his main pusher and best friend, I knew this movie was bound for shitsville. Because the dude was played by Police Academy’s Michael Winslow, with all the subtly that you would expect him to bring to such a role. The plot has our hero stuck in a bind because he is being forced to torch a tenement building for the mob boss. Problem being that it is the building his Mom and slut sister live in. So the movie is our dude basically trying to call in his debts and drug money so he can get his family out of town because he has no intention of doing the deed and knows that spells death for him. Pretty serious stuff and not a bad story really. Its the 80’s stylistic excess that burns the movie down faster than the building that is going to be torched. The movie is stylized more than the worst episode of Miami Vice, with characters that couldn’t have been realistic, even back then. The only scene that rings semi true is a visit to a heroin shooting gallery that has various nodding junkies littering the place and a line of awaiting addicts filtering in to get their fix. Its like a scene from a different movie. There is also an effective sex scene towards the end that is surprisingly touching and well handled. But I’m not even getting started on the climax with that motorcycle. Surprisingly this is directed by Amos Poe who directed the punk touchstone film The Blank Generation. But then it makes more sense if you realize he is more well known for directing the music video for Animotion’s “Obsession”. this doesn’t hurt too bad though, I bought it for $3.00 at Odd Lots. Another odd thing about this movie is the look of the film. It seems like it was tampered with on DVD. Everything has a deep purple and pink cast to it. If you watch the trailer on the DVD it is much grittier looking and the colors seem less overblown and intense. The tell tale moment is a shot of Jamie Gertz putting on lipstick. In the movie it is almost purple. In the trailer it is red. This weirdo filtering definitely impacts the finished movie.

Cannibal Doctor (1999) *1/2 Dinner for Two (2000) ** - Both of these are part of the Kinky Cannibal Double Feature put out by Seduction Cinema to try and capitalize on the back catalog of Factory 2000 titles feature a young Misty Mundae. Both of these films were fetish production shot by Bill Hellfire and crew, starring Misty and Tina Krause and revolving around the cannibalism fetish. The kicker being that apparently people who have a fetish for cannibalism, don’t actually get off on the idea of eating people, so much as the whole preparation of people as food. So both these films are all about the tricking of someone into becoming a meal, the “tenderizing” and finally cooking. The first movie, Cannibal Doctor features Hellfire as a goofball doctor and his shrewish wife (played by Krause) plan to trick a girl into becoming their feast. Seems that they have figured out that cannibalism keeps them young. So in comes Misty Mundea for a job application and into the examining room she goes. For the next forty-five minutes or more she is examined. Most of the time just the doctor touching her legs. She doesn’t end up nude probably until the forty five minute mark or more. This is where the whole fetish movie for the direct customer thing is important. These movies were not made for general consumption but for a specific customer who paid money to have them made. He gave Hellfire and company the money and a list of specific things they had to do in the movie. They could build a movie around those things. The cannibal fetish motif being one of those things. I’m sure the whole leg fetish was there too because sooooo much of the movie is about it. Eventually Misty is drugged, tied up rubbed down with baby oil, and “cooked” in the doctors X-Ray room. The cooking is simply just a red light and some sizzling sounds. We don’t see her get eaten. The only thing to recommend this outside of the fetish material is that both Misty and Tina Krause give decent performances. They really jump in and go for it. Tina especially is tearing up the scenery playing a royal bitch. Misty plays the exact opposite, naive to the point of almost stupid girl who gets more than she bargained for. Dinner For Two is a remake of the same movie, apparently for the same customer, who had some additional things he wanted added. This time there is a heavy tickling fetish, so the girls are stripped naked and tickled by hand or with feathers to “tenderize” them. There is more nudity this time. Tina Krause’s character is way less of a bitch and played more for laughs. I’m willing to bet the buyer found her to be too threatening and a turn off the first go round. Not surprisingly she is in on the action this time, trussed up, tickled and cooked as well as Misty. The final cooking is a little less brutal and more food oriented with apples in the mouth and other garnishing. But the movie’s main thrust is still the examination of the prey and it takes forever. If it isn’t your fetish, you will be leaning on the fast forward. In fact unless you are die hard fans of Misty Mundae, Tina Krause or into the whole fetish thing, this is pretty dull stuff. Probably for collectors only. the trailers for the other Factory 2000 stuff is for more disquieting, which leads me to ask, where is the DVD releases for The Infamous Bondage Murders 1&2? Those things look disturbing as hell

01:59:17

2008-09-20

Sex Slaves of the SS (1975) ** - This double disc release from POP cinema’s After Hours imprint is most notable for starring “Victor Alexnader” aka Jerry Delony who most cult film fans will recognize as the Sheik in the classick Ilsa Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (who is NOT Spalding Gray who many, I included, have always claimed played the Sheik). Here he plays one Dr. Cockluv a doctor of the 3rd Reich who is doing sexual experiments on various nubile American and Jewish babes. The movie opens with him screwing some lab equipment in a very sparse lab decorated with flashing lights and cardboard computers. His assistant Franz interrupts him. Franz is played by a woman in glasses and an ill fitting fake mustache. He gives a speech about how he bent over Hitler himself thus the name Cockluv will be remembered! Soon they have captured three female American tourists(!) who will be worked over in the SS lab. But first we are treated to some Nazi sex in what looks like some unrelated super 8 loop that was cut into the film to spice it up since the movie had been on for almost twenty minutes without any hardcore action. Finally Cockluv has a blond American chick strapped down to his operating table and is going to test her threshold with a fuck machine made of some lawnmower motor and a dildo. This thing looks fucking dangerous as it moves slowly towards the camera pounding away, which is why it never actually penetrates the actress, who was probably pretty grateful for that small favor. Instead the Nazi guard goes for it and the sex is pretty hairy butt standard 70’s grinder stuff. The chick is from Texas so she makes funny comments and German music plays over their scene. The guard has the dirtiest feet in cinema history. When they are finished Dr. Cockluv tells Franz to keep an eye on the Texas chick because “Her sexual vibrations could destroy all of the 3rd Reich!” The next Sex scene is with a brown haired gar who has nice boobs and is pretty into it. The Doctor keeps watching through a kaleidoscope so most of the scene is shot through one! Later this same gal will have a lesbian scene with another gall and their double ended dildo action will look more like they are charming a snake than having any kind of sex. The camera keeps zooming in and losing focus too. As the movie reaches the hour mark it hits a climax. You can tell because newsreel footage of the Allies invading Germany has been cut in randomly. This newsreel footage is in way better shape print wise than the rest of the feature too. Then thanks to an added digital explosion the castle of Dr. Cockluv is blown up and the reign of terror is over. The end! A lot of work was clearly done to restore this movie as the 8mm loops were added, as well as the newsreel footage and slight digital work. It is a silly outing never to be taken seriously. You get the feeling the original filmmakers would have been just as at home making a softcore comedy than a hardcore flick. This new edition has been matted to 1.85 for widescreen TV’s and it is overmatted badly. Tops of heads are lopped off all the time along with occasional all important sex shots. There is even a joke where Franz puts the Doctor’s hand on her/his breast that is rendered incoherent because the breast in question is below the bottom matte. The DVD comes with a second feature called Woman of Vengeance which is reviewed below.

Woman of Vengeance (1977) **1/2- This west coast triple-Xer is the second feature in the Sex Slaves of the SS package from After Hours Cinema. While the print is worn to the point of almost being black and white, and is scratched to hell and back it only lends atmosphere to this sleazy little gem. Rick Lutz stars as a bike shop owner whose life sucks shit. His wife is a demonic shrew who just lays there waiting for it to end when they have sex, and criticizes him endlessly the rest of the time. What he doesn’t know is that his buddy/co-worker is banging her behind his back (and has her put on a ratty blond wig so he doesn’t feel so bad about it!). The wife and best pal plan to have old Rick rubbed out by a professional hitman so they can get a wad of insurance money and run off together. Things brighten up a bit when Ricky boy meets a bombshell in the bike shop, played by real life squeeze Rene Bond. Naturally they hit it off and he makes plans to hang out with her and her friends for a couple of days. Finally after almost a half hour into the movie there is some hardcore sex scenes as Bond’s friends start having the beast with two backs. But due to the condition of this ragged print it is unappetizing to say the least. Since all the color is drained from the print except red (which is what happens to prints that have not been stored correctly) When the gal is giving the dude head it looks like she is chewing off his cock! Yikes! Don’t even ask what it looks like when they start fucking. Rene and Rick start getting busy too as they realize they really, really dig each other, and this scene is rather smartly cross cut with a scene of the wife boning the friend. So its the cheating couples getting it on, cross cut together. Somebody making this movie was actually thinking. In fact that is what sets this movie apart. This is surprisingly well made, even though it clearly is shot for pennies, there is some style going on. Such as when the scenes are faded out using what looks to be actual grease pencil lines, but it adds a sort of hardboiled grit to the proceeding. A later scene has the hitman get off the phone with the wife, confirming where Lutz will be for the kill. She has been a particular bitch on the phone. The hitman is looking at Rick’s picture for confirmation of his target and says to himself “Man, why couldn’t it have been you who made the call first?” I won’t spoil the last third as it becomes more apt that the movie should have been called Man of Vengeance. As already stated the print is a wreck and it seems that some of the sound elements are missing too. Some sound effects seem to be absent here and there and at the 18 minute mark the hiss on the soundtrack becomes so loud you almost have to shut it off. Like Sex slaves of the SS this thing has been matted for widescreen TV’s and should not have been. This looks to have been shot on 16mm originally and this matting wrecks the frame continually shaving off chins, tops of heads, necks, and plenty of the sex (which in some cases is a blessing). This matting is a practice I really wish Pop Cinema/After Hours would stop doing. Its better to have the whole picture and have blank space on the sides of your TV, than lose important picture information so someone can fill up there expensive TV frame. Otherwise this is a solid little B movie hiding as the second feature of this set. But then what do I know, this whole generation watches whole movies on You Tube.

00:44:06

2008-09-16

The Unseen (1980) *** - Extremely solid 80’s incest themed horror that has been largely overlooked for the last two decades is not getting its due thanks to the new double disc DVD from Code Red . The film follows a trio of women led by Barbara Bach (From The Spy Who Loved Me, who has gorgeous lips and the coldest eyes I’ve ever seen) who are in a small California town for a festival. They end up staying at the rustic home of the eccentric Sidney Lassick and his wife because there are no hotels available. Soon the girls are being pulled into the heating vents and killed one by one. *** SPOILERS AHEAD*** Because it turns out the offspring of the couples incestuous relationship has been kept in the basement all these years and he is crawling through the house using the heating ducts. The final act is as much soap opera as horror movie as all the dirty secrets of the house come to the for front with Junior taking front and center stage. As played by comedic actor Stephen Furst, Junior is a terrific creation; hideous looking, spastic, but actually quite gentil and lovable in his own way. He’s clearly just a big kid stuck in a dirty grown man’s body. Furst studied people with Down Syndrome to get the performance right and it pays off giving the character a much needed humanity. But the movie also has some other things going for it too such as some commentary ..ion and family units. Seems that the brother/sister team that spawned junior were never given the option to abort the child, while our heroine has gotten an abortion without telling her boyfriend which has lead to the collapse of their relationship (among other problems). The comparison doesn’t make for easy answers, but does make for food for thought. The movie, whil enever a gorefest, is always smartly directed and beautifully shot. Though the transfer on the Code Red DVD has some problems with the contrast levels going in and out periodically. This set has tons of extras including on camera interviews with Furst who has fond memories of the movie, Craig Reardon who did the make up, and Thomas Burman who wrote the initial movie but quite the production and does not have fond memories. There is also a commentary from the producer and Stephen Furst, but they talk more about other movies they have done than this one. There is also the reel of trailers for other Code Red releases (man I am stoked for The Farmer!). The only negative thing I can say about The Unseen is that there is a moment about a half hour in where we get a large chunk of the back story that uses a cinematic device that feels rather forced and awkward. Otherwise this is a mini classic of the 80’s and comes highly recommended.
16:10:45 2008-09-09
Andy C

D’Wild Weng Weng (1982)*** - If you don’t know who Weng Weng is then you really shouldn’t be reading this blog. Weng Weng is a god among men, or at least he was when the little guy was alive. He was barely 3 feet of caged karate fury with a bowl haircut who would whoop an ass without breaking a sweat. The ladies loved him, he wore leisure suits, had rocket jet packs and tons of other gadgets. He was cool as ice before the motherfucker Vanilla hijacked the phrase. This killa from Manilla was the toast of the Philipino movie industry in the early 80’s and made a crap load of movies all based around the fact that he stood no higher than your thigh. But he was a screen presence to be reckoned with as all of us who stumbled upon For Y’ur Height Only in the bargain bins way back in the 90’s will attest. Weng Weng changed lives man. So that brings me to this adventure, one of his more obscure flicks or it was until this print started making the rounds. Here the Weng stars as a secret service agent along with his friend Mr. Gordon who are sent to Santa Monica(!) because the Mayor has been ruthlessly murdered by a bandito named Mr. Sabastian (everyone is Mr. Someone in this movie). From there the dynamic duo basically just keep kicking the asses of Sabastian’s men until the incredible climax. Along the way they make friends with a dude with his tongue cut out (his annoying screeching will give you a headache), a couple of babes, and a pigmy midget Indian Chief (played by the dude who played Mr. Giant in For Y’ur Height Only). Sights you will see include Weng practicing his karate shirtless, him in his mariachi outfit saradading outside a babe’s window, Weng thrown like an Olympic football into the second story of a bad guy’s lair, Weng stuffed into the monk robes of Mr. Gordon and carried around like a fetus, and Weng strung up like a turkey to bake in the sun. But the keeper are two action scenes; one about 45 minutes in and then the climax. The middle scene is simply just Weng Weng strolling along and every time he sees a group of bad guys he whips out his gun and kills them dead. Cold blooded Charles Bronson style! He’s done fuckin around! He kills at least two dozen people in a ten minute period! For the climax I swear Sylvester Stallone had to have seen this movie before he wrote the latest Rambo film because the similarities in the climaxes are odd to say the least. Both films have the heroes surround on all sides by the bad guys, and both films have the hero manning a huge machine gun and mowing down the invading armies. Both films then have a native people rush in and help by fighting along side, in this case the Pygmy Indians (where did they find so many midgets?). Oh shit I forgot to talk about all the ninja’s in this thing! Mr. Sabastian employs not only traditional “Mexican” banditos but a small army of ninja’s too! While this movie is undeniably entertaining it lacks the loopy, goof-ass charm of The Impossible Kid and For Y’ur height Only where things were clearly not being taken totally seriously. Here director Eddie Nicart seems to be wanting to blend the cheapjack Fillipino action film to something akin to a Peckinpah movie. Plus the dubbing is far too serious, unlike the uproarious For Y’ur height Only. But still, this is a worth while cult addition and for Weng Weng completists it is a must have.

You can pick this movie up from www.nightcrewvideo.com
Here is a tribute video to Weng Weng from the group THE CHUDS

2008-09-04
18:08:11
Andy Copp

Doctor Gore aka The Body Shop (1973) *** - Bad movie buffs take note, this is a real winner! On DVD from Something Weird video this used to be available years ago from Paragon Video with an introduction from Herschel Gordon Lewis. It seems that Lewis was friends with the director/writer/star Pat Patterson who also helped Lewis with the effects in some of his later films. Here Patterson takes the full reigns to deliver a unique and grisly bad movie bouquet that should delight fans of this sort of thing. It seems our beloved Doctor Branon has lost his wife to a car crash, but as we discover in the very first scene he intends to bring her back to life, “but better. More perfect in every way!” So him and his hunchback grunting assistant (horrifyingly named…Greg!) set about robbing graves to nab the right parts. But after covering a corpse in tin foil and trying to reanimate it everything goes wrong. They decide that the only route that makes sense is to hypnotize women and cut off the perfect parts they need. So you get Pat Patterson and his amazing colossal comb over making out with babes in bikinis and then luring them back to his lab in a trance. Never mind the fact that if he has the power to pretty much bed any hot babe around why would he need to create a living perfect women in the first place! So they start hacking up girls in effects scenes that are surprisingly effective for the time period and obvious lack of budget. One dismembered torso is actually rather frighteningly conveyed. Unneeded parts are done away with in the handy acid vat. Greg keeps his bottle of hooch in the freezer with the dismembered body parts and a bunny rabbit just hangs out on set for no reason at all. One shot has some delivery men bring a big box and you can see well over the tops of the set by at least three feet or more. Once the perfect woman is completed the movie sort of comes apart as it clearly is unfinished from this point out, starting from a montage where the Doctor is explaining how he has to teach the new woman everything from scratch about being alive. His voice over explains a whole bunch of stuff, then the montage shows us the same stuff he explained, AFTER he has said it. He teaches her how to love but she takes to it a little too well and when he catches her hugging on poor Greg, things get ugly fast. Towards the end there is the most blatant and shocking camera clap board ever left in a film in history further underscoring that this is unfinished. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the incredible music by one Bill Hicks. Not the acerbic and dearly departed comedian, but a cherubic, bearded lounge singer whose songs stop the movie dead at least twice. I dunno about you, but I kinda miss the days of no budget movies when they were padded with lounge musical numbers meant to further the careers of musical nobodies. If you haven’t gotten the point yet, this is AWESOME!!!

Apparently this is out of print and getting hard to find. I couldn’t locate it on Amazon or ebay to reference here in this review.